selfish..

All these years i was taught, i perceived, i believed that being selfish is a sin!!
And i lived for others.. i'm not trying to look like Mother Teresa.. by telling i lived for others i meant... Adjusting with the wide attitude difference between me and my fellow mates... being there for my friends whenever they need me even if i'm busy .. acting as though i'm deaf when rude comments were ( which according to my friends is to make me a better person) spit on my face.. Remaining quiet when others invaded my space..
Today.. i screamed.. STTTOP.. STOP.. What the hell are you trying to do with me?? taking me for granted every moment.. because you know i'll be there for you always!! No! No!.. i won't let all this happen again.. what did i gain??
"if you are selfish.. then why can't i be??".. when this idea crossed i felt light at heart.. look at that.. a formula to reduce my pain. From now certain things are defenitely not going to be the way they were..
There is no more adjusting when an argument is firing up... i will not be the same deaf person when you insult me again. . . and excuse me first lemmme complete my work then i'll poke into yours (why don't you try it yourself.. buddy.. self help is the best help.. :P)
and a strong fence circling my space...
Yes i've set my mind to be selfish.. let me sin.. hey how is that a sin.. i'm living for myself... to make me happy.. to make myself comfortable... i was a sinner when i was on the other side.. now i'm an angel.. wanna disagree??? well you've all the rights to!!!!!

An sms reply

This was my reply to a freind who enlightened me that the cause of old age and death is oxygen.....
" you know people might go to any extend to remain young and now it'll be stop
breathing at regular intervals.. look at that... i wanna vomit on those ads which
promotes all lies.
Now think at the brighter side.. how will you promote a product which will help
you remain young by breathing less... oh god the 11th sin........."

Am i all excited that i'm in love (again)???

A new relation before the wounds caused by the one before not healed!!!! should i be excited....that i'm in love... again???

What happened with the previous relation is one that happens with every teenage love story.. no not doubt.. not misunderstanding.. too much love.. that makes one too possesive.
I knew him since i was 14years.. was friends then, used to talk, laugh .. too naughty when we were together.

Fell in love after 2years.. i proposed to him.. we had all the freedom in the world and we enjoyed being together for the next 3 years...

Then slowly.. slowly.. it started sinking in me.. the truth that i've no other world but him.. i've drifted away from my parents, my friends and to my horror MYSELF...

I looked at myself... i dress the way he want me to.. i talk the way he want me to.. my brain has stopped working???? No!!!!!!!

I'm stuck to the borders kept by him.. i'm tightly bound by the golden shackles of love.. i've to break it... spoke to him.. he said i'm changing and that i don't love him anymore...

I knew.. if i go ahead with the relationship then i'll lose myself my ambitions, my future... it was time for me to act... i broke up!!

Few months later.. i found a guy.. who i've no words to describe.. a god send to take me away from this plight.. i felt.. an answer to my prayers..

I knew he was the one.. after a long talk... not very long.. but long enough to fill my heart with love..

I didnt wait to get a positive glance from him.. i didnt stop when i heard he liked another girl..

if something goes wrong this time too.. i know that the trust i have on the relationship called love is gonna vanish...

Me at some sort of work!

Its fun to listen to my brain!!! Especially if the work i'm TRYING to do s designing- first let me tell you that i'm a hopeless artist.. i just can't draw.

"Hey just try drawing", my brain says! poor thing dosen't know that if i try.. i most probably end up with a window... the program s not responding... getting the emotion 'frustration'!!!

Ah i'm fedup of it!! stuck stuck both ma brain and ma system!! when am i ever going do a decent work??( this note will be submitted as the note of apology to ma sir if the work remains incomplete even after the dead line....) ah as if its gonna help me gain more marks.. actually why am i studying.. sometimes the spirit of getting a job and making loads of money just peaks and there i feel i'm studying to get a goood job.. during exam story is different.. all tricks to remember things easily finding a better way to learn etc hits ma brain telling me i'm learning to get goood marks... sometimes the curiosity tingles ma brain and i feel i'm studying to collect more knowledge and during times like these where i'm trying but i cant just learn or do it... i feel its just a waste of time.. and with sarcasm filled.. the question becomes.. WHY THE HELL AM I STUDYING??? so why is ma brain so inconsistent???
ah... i don wanna play psychological games with my own brain... who would like to... talking about psychological games.. hmmm its one of the core subjects we've this semester.. social psychology... the hours we had was exciting..sir throwing out questions.. interacting sessions and at the end exciting assignments...now that the portions are over and its time to review revise and get ready for our exam.. the subject looks dry and boring .. see another game of my CPU- the brain....

Troubled Writer!

Every time i sit to type oh! no write.. a 'what' pops up.. if i figure out the 'wht' a 'how' pops up.. The question comes in a way that it scares the pen in ma hand and i stop 'writing'!! So now why am i scribbling here?? well.. to tell the 'ailment' that is eating my talent to take a hike.. and i'm back.. Yea people call it a writers block. do i have one now?? I really dont believe there could be a block in any writers mind!! me including!! but an amateur like me who has avery little say in the world of serious writing can never conclude it dosen't exist.. How s creativity blocked!!!! 'creative block'.. sounds weird its like telling a kid(and 'adults' like me... he he), they've stopped the production of ice cream Hey!!
You desperately need it! but is no where in your reach... (i'll continue.. wait..)

i started to write thinking i'll write something on writers block.. but here i go with no interest to fill in things i'm not very sure about.. now what makes me write.. something when hits me hard,, something i cant stop wondering about... and what make me stop writing (forget the external disturbances..) ha..too much of facts that i dont know how to write... ha.. human mind.. but i didnt know much about writers block and i was very curious when i heard it... but why cant i write..

there is just one reason i can find.... i can write only what i belive.. and i'll write only what i'm sure exist!!!!!!!!!!

So... what was i talking about.. some one help me!